Mass Idiocy

The title is redundant. I will come to that later.

Ever since I could rationalise, I have always been ‘set right’ or ‘corrected’ by ‘their’ words. Most of the problems that we have today are a direct result of following what ‘they’ say.

They say ‘haste makes waste’, then they decide to rip the gaskets of common sense and let it all leak away by adding ‘early birds get the worm. They also ask you to dream, adding a rider which asks you to rise early. All this leads me to believe that when ‘they’ were saying all this, ‘they’ were merely practicing.

‘They’ finally went ahead, and changed the world and got it right when they said ‘too many cooks spoil the broth’. Goes on to prove that food is ultimately what gets us really, truly going. What ‘they’ mean by this is, while one idiot is called a critic, several of them together is called a civil unrest. So whenever several people get together, it always results in stupidity.

We even have proof. One person to save the world, and you have Mother Teresa. Fantastic job, sainthood, and all. Heck we even have Superman, Batman, Spiderman and the other solitary poopers in spandex who are serial savers of the world. Then, there is the group. One look at justice league and it is easy to see that even Superman and Batman who otherwise function superlatively well alone are reduced to cleaning up messes of other blokes in spandex. Says a lot about what goes on in the Parliament each day.

Coming back to saving the world, no person who is not in a straight-jacket would ever utter the words Mother Teresa, Superman, Batman, George Clooney and Green Peas in the same breath. If they did, it is proof enough to put them in the aforesaid straight-jacket.

Why? While Justice leage does nothing more harmful than ruining one others’ holidays and lunch breaks while wantonly promoting use of spandex in daily life, the blighters who call themselves Green Peas or Apple Pits cause real harm. What they do, apart from marauding perfectly good, job-providing car companies and technology companie, is make you feel that living in darkness for one hour in for a day each year will save the world. They obviously have no inkling of the concept of power cuts. Welcome to India.

Some prissy bloke at this point will raise a hand and point out that it is not a vegetable but a giant panda that is doing this. Well, it is all the same. We know that it is only vegetables, vegetarians, and animals that rule the world these days.

Now, back to the point. If turning off your lights for an hour each year could save the world, why the hell does MI6 need James Bond? Or why do we need the allied forces around oil wells? We just need to shut off the lights and all will be well. The answer is clear.

It is like trying to clean the Persian Gulf oil spill by filling your fountain pen with cheap ink. It just doesn’t make sense.

This then brings us to what these excuses of superheroes very earnestly call Earth hour. I can only believe that it is a euphemism for ‘Look-this-is-where-we-all-turn-off-the-lights-and-sit-in-darkness-swatting-mosquitoes-because-we-are-idiots hour’. Some marketing boffin must have realised with a jump that not only was it too long, but companies would also not give any money to be called idiots and decided to call it Earth Hour.

This scales the twin peaks (oh, not the delicious ones that are usually present a little above skirts) of being easy to say and of allowing people to threaten companies using giant pandas and pea shooters and being called anti-humanitarian in a bid to extort money.

Yes. Coal burning, fossil fuel, global warming, load of bollocks. Easy to say in one breath.

Any grade school kid will tell you that an hour of power off will save you exactly an hour’s worth of electricity. And if you want me to believe this will save the world. I could also believe that Idi Amin and Gang was the world largest charity. Also, the latter would be a lot easier considering that it possible eliminated some life forms that started causing the global warming in the first place.

If you want to stop global warming, use power.

I am not joking. If we could harvest just 2% of all the power that The Sun (the star, not the tabloid) gives us, we could power the whole world without making holes in the ground or stopping rivers or fighting the Russians for uranium. Even The Sun (the tabloid, not the star) will agree with this.

Instead of giving groups fancy names like Green Peas or Egg Yolk or Horse Manure or something equally smelly, use solar power. Make the governments make companies and people us solar power. A country like India is already doing it. And when someone asks you to turn off your lights to save the world, tell them you turn them off each night when you sleep.

The whole world does.

Happy Birthday raa Rama Krishna. May the lights never be turned off for you!