Daddy Issues

Dance. An art form. Poetry in motion. Fluidity. Poppycock.

Whatever the opinion might be, it stands as proof that necessity is the mother of invention.

Man, any man, would want to have any reasonably attractive woman to be as close to him physically as possible. Since the advent of civilisation suddenly decided to boot no-location-barred-sex upon arrival, man had been pretty much busy trying to invent excuses to hold the women of his desires as close as possible, without offending civilisation’s love child – the society.

While a man could hold a woman close, society decided that it is not decent to do so without doing something else. Man, in a spurt of inspired thought decided he would not want to be a sitting duck anymore, decided to make it difficult for the society to shoot his desires down. He did it in the easiest possible way – by becoming a moving target. And thus we come to the end of the story of how dance was invented.

And slowly, societal norms became social convention and public sex slowly de-evolved into what we call dancing, prom-nights, and discotheques. This is much the same as getting down the trees, led to not knowing what do with hands while the legs were holding the body up, led to humanity discovering the use of sticks and stones – the evolutionary product of which is now called war.

Perfume, also has a similar story to tell. Societal Norms, as every sensible person knows, are a usually the opinion of a deranged mind of the past. Sweat in general (and the armpit variety in particular), as many might not know, contains pheromones, which trigger sexual desire. Any triggering of sexual desire is usually accompanied by swelling of certain areas in men. Like everywhere else, this is precisely when the story gets interesting. Since having a hard-on in the days before the underwear naturally led to comparison of lengths, girths and widths of swellings (which is still a rampant, albiet hidden, tradition amongst men), the less endowed decided that it was not to their advantage and perpetuated the myth-that-is-now-a-convention about smell of sweat being taboo.

Now, thanks to all the advertising this and subliminal that, whenever humans do away with whatever excuses they have to refrain from having food, and generally reproducing with anything fertile, finally get down to having sex, there are italians parading their presences in armpits and other bodily crevices generally spoiling the party for the pheromones which already do best which these enticingly named Italians claim to do better, AND in a more socially acceptable way.

This story, like most good stories, has an interesting epilogue.

The moment public boners became taboo, talking about, and performance of sex in the open quickly thought it was fashionable to be a taboo, followed suit. At around the same time, man being the territorial animal he was designed to be, suddenly decided that it was a customarily good idea to not share the beauty he banged with any one else. This customarily good idea naturally led to the customs of veils, burqas, and loyalty – all of which make equal sense.

(Here, any mathematician will tell you that zero will always equal zero. Thereby proving the last sentence of the previous para.)

Man, by the force of habit, promptly walked right into the pit he made. Man wanted his woman to look only at him, and completely ignored the possbility of the woman wanting the same. At this juncture, Murphy’s law decided to make its presence felt and the world witnessed its first lovers’ quarrel. The male genes, which decided to have no truck with this Murphy person whatsoever, then went ahead with their plan of making the dongle conquer everything with mammaries.

Woman, in a fit and the usual rash of myopia decided to take things upon herself and did a lysistrata.  Thanks to this, the world saw the emergence of two firsts.  The first Profession and The first example of something stopped is always something bad.

What we have now, is a world full of women who are either engaged in or opposing the worlds earliest profession. Given humanity’s great acclivity to fight, squabble, and bicker at every difference of opinion, the altercation in itself is not strange. What is strange is the people who are fighting, while doing so are away from their bedrooms, depreiving their partners from what would be societally acceptable sex, driving them to surreptitiously sponsor this profession. History saw better progress when someone tried to fill a river by emptying the sea.

While trying to go against nature by sheer force of will is made out to be all virtuous and fantastic. Anyone who tried to stop a full bladder from bursting will aver that as heroic the efforts might be, the pants are bound to get wet when The Mother decides playtime is over. While not everyone might ride the horse of making everything legal, people trying to make something natural, illegal ought to know better. But as democracy proves more often than one would care for, they do not. Humanity as a footnote should also know that among all things natural, temptation is more natural than the others.

The pertinent thing here is to try checking if corruption made the law or the law, corruption.

No matter what a part of humanity is trying to stop from the rest of humanity from doing, is bound to fail. Because nature, credit to all its devious ways, invented a perpetual way of amusing itself in two steps. One by putting in an idea of temptation being unholy, and two by paving a path with every possible good thing one could have.

When someone said the road to hell was paved with good intentions, he definitely saw the pun in the essence of being.

Necessity is the bitch, the daddy is unknown, and invention is the bastard that will break it all.