Vegetarianism and Global Warming are two of the things I patently fail to understand why no one understands. First, these two concepts are wholly opposing in nature and are yet embraced by the same kind of people, and very often the same people.
Vegetarians cite reasons of life being important, not hurting other living beings, PETA and Blue Cross as reasons behind them being vegetarians, while at the same time mercilessly hacking away those poor trees and plants, which are more voiceless than most other animals, and are more necessary to global cooling than the other carbon based life forms.
I am told that every entity – living and non-living – that breathes out, this includes our cars, computers, refrigerators, chicken, air-conditioners, deodorants, dogs, paints, et al, contributes in some form towards global warming. By being vegetarian, one is effectively increasing the exactly those life forms that increase temperatures while decreasing exactly those that not only do not increase temperatures but in fact reduce them.
Population is also blamed for this global warming thing. All the while I was thinking that it was population like Pamela Anderson, Tiger Woods, Gisele Bundchen, Katrina Kaif, and Bart Simpson that was responsible for it, but the recent telecast featuring a few blokes who flew from all the corners of the world to meet at Copenhagen revealed that it was not just these aforementioned hotties but also all those people who flew there that cause it, in addition to all the people who didn’t.
Which brings us back to the point of vegetarianism. Not only should vegetarianism be banned on global warming grounds, the vegetarians should also be killed by burying(not by being burnt, for obvious reasons and nor by being shot, because the last time I heard, even guns smoke, which might again to lead to global warming) this will serve the twin purposes of eliminating those that kill trees and preventing the others from treading the same path.
There might be other arguments by others that increase global warming that these arguments are all extremist. I would like to point out that I have never ever in my life argued against extremism and even more importantly never said I was not one. Any one claiming I ever did so should be shot and buried – and in view of what is happening – a sapling planted on the grave.
The newspapers which have been enlightening me on this warming thing say that computers cause a lot of global warming. But the moment I move to switch off the computer and throw it out of the window, there is an e-newspaper which says paper is made from cutting trees and that causes global warming.
This led my thoughts onto a distinctly different path. If paper caused global warming, what would be the quantum of global warming (so much for Quantum of Solace) caused by large parts of the world where people use paper for purposes other than reading, each morning.
What is the cause of global warming then? Apart from vegetarians, who should have been buried by now, and the more rational ones who should have either committed suicide or killed a chicken after reading these erudite lines, must have seen that everything leads to global warming.
This only further bolsters the argument that humans getting down from trees, while being a bad idea, was not worse than leaving the water in the first place.