Welcome.
It would be very appropriate if there was a lot of ado, because what we are talking about would be what it would have been about in Shakespearean terms. Doing away with all the wordy delays, let us welcome our interviewee – the most exoteric one of all – God
And this time around, there is no messing around, no random chatter, this time, it is THE God. The God with a capital G.
”Welcome God!”
”Uh, uh.. Thanks son.”
God: Yes son, lets start.
God: Sorry!
God: Okay!
Me: I would rather you really not do that. Please answer questions after I pose them, just so there is a semblance of order.
God: Yes.
Me: That is a lot better! See?
God: I suppose.
Me: Okay… How do you feel about being God?
God: You are taking your capitalisation seriously, aren’t you Son?
Me: Lets stick to answering the questions please?
God: Yes. As wildly successful as a typist with a keyboard phobia.
Me: What??
God: That is the answer to the question you asked me.
Me: Gods! Now do not take that literally please, it is just an exclamation. Could you care to elaborate?
God: The thing is, being God is an exercise in omniscience. Not only am I afraid of my hopes being dashed, I exactly know how badly they are going to be dashed. It is like knowing exactly when you are going to die.
Me: But you are God. Can you not simply set it right?
God: The irksome thing about being me is, there are so many things to do, it leaves me no time to be good at anything at all. Case in point: Look around. Also, the whole awesomeness thing is really like an exercise. To be more precise, it is like push-ups.
Me: Push-ups??
God: How would you feel if you could do 200 push-ups without stopping? I know the answer. But the thing is, when you get down to doing them, you will be left with aching shoulders and a sense of smug satisfaction. The first you could do without and the second you could do nothing much with.
Me: Could do nothing much with what? Awesomeness or Satisfaction?
God: Either. Like satisfaction, awesomeness, is gigantically overrated. While both of them feel incredibly good to have, getting them requires altogether too much pain. I would take the ennui of routine everyday over temporary awesomeness preceded by back-breaking labour.
Me: So, you are saying, you do not want to be awesome?
God: I am saying, I want to be awesome. But without having so many responsibilities.
Me: You could set the world right with a snap of your fingers and you are saying this?
God: If I had them.
Me: Had what?
God: Fingers.
Me: What about fingers?
God: Nothing
Me: Heavens! So you wont want to set the world right?
God: No.
Me: No, what? Would you want to set the world right or not?
God: I would. You wouldn’t.
Me: Why the hell wouldn’t I?
God: No drugs, no alcohol, no guilty pleasures. And if all those priests are to be believed, no sex either.
Me: Where did that come from? Sex? Of all the things.
God: Don’t drag me. Sex, they say I said, is bad. But trust me, I have had nothing to do with it. Considering my only and supposed Son (note the capitalisation son, and the lack thereof too) is the product of a medical miracle, I can absolutely claim to have no knowledge of it at all.
Me: But omniscience…
God: Yeah, that. Purists. Well, Omniscience only means I know everything, doesn’t mean I did not invent it. Now, before another purist comes around inspecting and commenting about how I made everything, I would like to state for eternity that I have not made love. It is either that, or JC was a sham. What would you settle for?
God: See what I mean? This awesomeness thing is right as rain, a pain.
Me: Hmm… God?
God: Sure.
Me: God, please let me ask the question before you answer it. Forget the awesomeness, the omniscience is sure getting to me!
God: Okay.
Me: I want to settle things for good. Are you ready? Please give your answer again.
God: Sure.
Me: Who is more intelligent? Man or Woman.
God: Who is the most powerful entity you know?
Me: You.
God: What gender does that entity take?
Me: Got it Boss!
Me: Left-handers or right?
God: It should have been are without the question mark too.
Me: What?
God: Ever tried signing a cheque while shoveling food into your mouth?
Me: Makes sense.
Me: Humans or Animals?
God: Who gets free food, free sex, and who gets supposedly the most intelligent race to build housing for them, again free of cost? And who says there are no free lunches while providing the same?
Me: Spot on Boss!
Me: Rich or Poor?
God: Imagine a popular temple. Now Imagine a huge crowd. Who would be able to get in quicker?
Me: Never saw it that way!
Me: What about Karma?
God: Are you talking about humanity’s greatest invention or are you saying every child who flushes ants down the drain and stomps beetles goes to hell?
Me: Umm..er
Me: So, are you for real?
God: Who do you think you have been talking to? Me or a figment of your imagination?
Me: Do you really want me answer that?
God: Do you really want to?
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
hehe! All the answers that you want to give, as god :p
keep telling you that it might be easier to be human
ps: been waiting for a post
I have never read a more simplified version of Calvinism.The idea of interviewing God is interesting, because the very act of questioning the unquestionable reduces God to almost human and threats his supreme position.
There is a question i desire to get an answer to though….through this article do you posit that everything is indeed predestined where God has prior knowledge and steers the wheel or are you blaming human freewill, especially when God says,”I would, you wouldn’t”?
Awesome role-play!
God: So did you find an answer to your madness?
Man: What madness? That am speaking to you? or that,through this, I want people to believe in their own stupidity(of belief/disbelief)?
Verdict: It’s not Schizophrenia, alright!
P.S: Somewhere that would shatter one’s belief system and another would spare the scoff with an agreement
@ The Reader: Was that a comment or a compliment? I really couldn’t figure. I have taken the matter into my head and decided to deem it a comment intended as a compliment.
@ Valli
Role-play? You mean to say I was lying and the whole interview a sham?
I take offence.
Take it in stride. Don’t take offence, cos none was intended. Role-play yes, meaning the entire set-up, interview, etc.
Not sham, but, wait-a-minute, you don’t want to acknowledge the other-side, do you?
@ Valli : What exactly do you mean by ‘acknowledge the other side’?
Hi,
Valli Shobana gave me the link to your post on Kitna Deti hain
and then i began reading other posts.
I passed it to a couple of friends as well
Good going!
That’s what we’ve all been waiting for! Great postnig!
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